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Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide
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Sales rank 58,063
Customers rating (based on 28 reviews)
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When Linda Babcock asked why so many male graduate students were teaching their own courses and most female students were assigned as assistants, her dean said: "More men ask. The women just don't ask." It turns out that whether they want higher salaries or more help at home, women often find it hard to ask. Sometimes they don't know that change is possible--they don't know that they can ask. Sometimes they fear that asking may damage a relationship. And sometimes they don't ask because they've learned that society can react badly to women asserting their own needs and desires. By looking at the barriers holding women back and the social forces constraining them, Women Don't Ask shows women how to reframe their interactions and more accurately evaluate their opportunities. It teaches them how to ask for what they want in ways that feel comfortable and possible, taking into account the impact of asking on their relationships. And it teaches all of us how to recognize the ways in which our institutions, child-rearing practices, and unspoken assumptions perpetuate inequalities--inequalities that are not only fundamentally unfair but also inefficient and economically unsound. With women's progress toward full economic and social equality stalled, women's lives becoming increasingly complex, and the structures of businesses changing, the ability to negotiate is no longer a luxury but a necessity. Drawing on research in psychology, sociology, economics, and organizational behavior as well as dozens of interviews with men and women from all walks of life, Women Don't Ask is the first book to identify the dramatic difference between men and women in their propensity to negotiate for what they want. It tells women how to ask, and why they should.
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| Publisher | Princeton University Press | | Release date | 09/2003 | | Availability | Usually ships in 24 hours | | Edition | Hardcover |
| | List price | $29.95 | | Our price | $19.77 (you save 33.99%) | | Used price | from $8.99 |
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 Empower yourself by reading a few pages before negotiating!
Every woman should read this book before asking for a raise. The studies conducted are a harsh, yet empowering reminder that men often get raises, promotions, projects at work, etc. because they are not afraid to request what they think they deserve (or don't deserve!). I've recommended this book for young women just starting out in the work force, as well as seasoned executives at major companies and they have all found it useful. The information is presented in an intelligent, interesting manner- not a self-help or 'business' book, which in my opinion, is a good thing.
Good set up for "Ask For It"
This book does a wonderful job of sharing all the research which explains why women are less likely to negotiate, less likely to ask for what they want, and less likely to get what they want. However, what's missing from this book is how women can overcome these barriers. The sequel to this book, "Ask For It", does a great job answering that question. If you're looking for ideas of how to improve woman's likelihood to negotiate and a woman's likelihood to ask, buy the sequel. If you're interested in WHY women are less likely to ask, stick with this book!
 Informative and Readable
Another in my series of reading books that my wife has left lying around the house. This book studies why women don't seem to ask for things as frequently as men do - and the impact of not asking. I was fascinated by the data presented - in short, that (in general) men seem to view everything in life as negotiable, while women consider most things as non-negotiable. In fact, I noticed this yesterday at the local Big 5 store - the guy in front of me just flat out asked for an extra discount - no reason given - and he got 10% off, just for asking. I asked about a AAA discount, but the clerk seemed to have run out of freebies. This book was certainly useful to me as we bought a car and arranged to have our house painted during the period I read it. (Total savings, $700 and I could have done better).
This book was also very relevant to me as a parent, as I see Matthew always asks for what he wants, with no qualms at all - whereas Emily is more hesitant as she considers the ramifications of her request (will I get mad, will relationships be endangered, perhaps I will guess what she wants without her having to ask, etc.). All in all, lots of good lessons for Emily and I.
Also, the book does not simply say "men ask for more, they get more, women should be like men" - but rather point out ways in which women's typical negotiating style (relationship oriented) can work out well in the long run and how women can leverage that style to be more effective. But I think it also helps women to realize that much of life is actually negotiable and that there are opportunities waiting to be grabbed.
Women Don't Ask is one of the best blends of "journalism + academic writing" that I have seen. As I have noted before, journalist writing is often "light" - statements are not deeply justified, ramifications not fully explored, objections not effectively countered. On the other hand, academic writing (which has none of those flaws) can be dense and unreadable. This book is a near-perfect balance. Probably helps that one author is a journalist and the other is a professor - but the book is co-written seamlessly.
Women don't ask: the high cost of avoiding negotiation and postive strategies for change
Babcock and Laschever have presented an excellent -- thoroughly researched and well-written -- discussion of the rationale behind, and costs of, the problems encountered when women negotiate (including a resistance to doing so). They build a damning case against gender stereotyping and socialization based on extensive scientific research and present clearly the ways in which this has hampered many women in their approach to negotiating. In particular, the discussion of the impact of disparate levels of perceived entitlement between men and women (of all ages) is extremely illuminating. It is not a book that levels blame (which does not mean that it is a comfortable read; as a professional woman I found it decidedly uncomfortable at times), but does seek to highlight ways in which we, and the society in which we live, have solidified an aversion to asking for what we want, need, or deserve.
The touted "strategies for change" are minimal (although the idea that feelings of entitlement lead to stronger bargaining is useful). Instead, the benefits of a more stereotypically feminine approach to negotiating (i.e. collaborative) are discussed, as are the ways in which modern negotiations are tending in that direction.
All in all, a book very worth reading (and one that almost all my friends will be getting!).
 Women Don't Ask
To say I was a little disappointed with this book is probably an understatement.
I was expecting a hybrid of the psychology behind why women don't ask and coaching or mentoring points (checklist if you like) of actions and strategies to improve.
This is not what I found.
The book was interesting to some degree but it was difficult to pinpoint actions or strategies for improvement, they weren't spelled out in easy to read format, nor were they easy to identify.
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